The Addiction

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For many people, the receipt of a Prison sentence would be the worst thing to ever happen. But if You experienced domestic violence, Like most of the female prisoners have to - You can see, things are a little different.

As she sat on the dock, waiting for The Judge to send her to Prison , Lilly Lewis found, to their surprise, they laugh could not stop.

she did not understand why. It wasn't nerves, exactly, and it was not Remotely Funny about their situation. Lilly's lawyer, she had warned, she was looking at an eight-year sentence.

But somehow had the whole case before the court, seemed unreal to her, Like a huge, elaborate joke. Each Time the prosecution of a barrister stood in front of her, holding his premiums for emphasis, You would think, how absurd, theatrical the whole thing was.

in addition to Lilly, one of her co-defendants wept. "I'm scared," She Said to Lilly sobbing. Lilly tried to calm her down, But did not see anything to fear it was.

Outside, to be Lilly has been used, yelled at, intimidated and attacked. You would be a victim of domestic violence, as 57% of women prisoners according to The Prison Reform Trust. You would addiction to overcome, and suicide attempts multiple times. In Prison , she would had beat The Man and raped, the friend who had held her At Gunpoint , The Partner says You preyed on her addiction and end up with a other co-defendants.

your children already of her taken, and The Pain of separation gnawed at her, relentlessly. So What was there to lose?

Just to be me in Prison now, she thought. I'm ready, Take Me now.

And Then it was time for Lilly to stand and hear your sentence. She wore a black pants, a orange jumper from Matalan and a fake hair Bun - her real hair was thin from where she'd pulled it over and over again.

she spent the weekend in jail for the First Time , after The Guilty verdicts passed on them. Lilly had sat there in her gray Prison clothes, and thought how easy it would be to fall into a routine here. It would be the same as in The School , she decided.

"Seven years," The Judge told her. Cheat was The Charge of conspiracy to. She would be a reduction in for changing your plea to guilty during The Trial period.

The Smile does not leave, Lilly's face. "It was at least not eight," she thought. Half seven, three-and-a-half years, so You could then Get Out , if they are well-behaved self. You could do That , she told herself. It was manageable.

Then You start in The Van , on the way to your set. The Other prisoners called The Prison guard "Miss " - How far, Miss ? I need the toilet, Miss . Lilly silently vowed never to speak in such a submissive way. She thought of her four children, and How To cope for so much longer, without your mom. What would happen next, she wondered? When would You Like to get your uniform? What job would You do in Prison ?

Lilly began to laugh, again, and she Wanted to do not understand, why This Time , either.

From inside The Van , Lilly looked up to God with a sense of gratitude. "You have me all the time," she thought. "What am I going to do?"

Lilly was born in 1971 and grew up on the Wirral in Merseyside. She was the youngest of Three Sisters , of seven years, The Baby of The Family . Her father was Ghanaian and her mother was white, and she was the only mixed-race girl at her elementary school.

the Whole period of infancy, she felt very aware That she was different. In school she has many friends.

One morning, When she was seven years old, Lilly ran into the schoolyard. A group of girls Stand in a semi-circle, singing:

Where is did your mama? Where did your mama? Far, far away...

The girl looked up at Lilly and laughed. You That You even didn't know something.

in the afternoon, When your mother brought You up from school, Lilly asked her mother what it had meant to the girl.

For the First Time , Lilly says her mother told her That she was adopted. She Said it was as if she and her husband, Lilly from the shelf had decided, as You would a small doll. If You had said to have taken her home, Lilly's mom, she'd smelled so awful, You had to throw away your clothes.

When Lilly pushed for more information about her biological mother, she only remembers her mother saying: "she didn't want to That . "The birth mother had I was given the opportunity to Say Goodbye , and had not paid attention to it. There was no talk of her body was father.

Lilly tried to absorb. She could not understand why their biological parents didn't want to have. She wondered what had caused the smell of her. Lilly would try to make themselves look Like a doll, because she thought That if she were the most beautiful dolls on the shelf, then they would be picked up. Above all, she feared to leave again.

Later, Looking Back on her Life , Lilly is clear That they never developed really emotional, to this point. Your fear of being rejected or Left Alone , never went away. From the age of 15, she was introduced to alcohol and When she drank, she would not stop. You had a chain of friends. "I was very mixed, really, and just the feeling of That love was When someone showed me That affection, it felt Like I was loved, and Wanted . "If your friends with her, You can't beat it rationalized as an act of love.

The overseer Lilly were on the induction wing of The Women 's Prison . She led them to a narrow corridor, U-Bahn. The ceiling was low and the walls were yellow. Every few meters she stopped as The Doors behind her BANG. BANG. BANG.

It looks Like Death Row, she thought.

Then she was in her cell. She looked at the bars on The Window , the metal toilet in The Corner . Even compared to The Police service, cells, the she had been, in the interior, or The Prison in which they had been held the weekend before the sentencing, which was strictly. She was really in Prison now, she thought.

A week later, Lilly was moved to a different wing. You had a cell with a woman who hurt themselves enjoyed now. Lilly looked out The Window . It was March and bitterly cold outside. She could see a group of inmates to walk in The Snow . Your hair of boys was cut short on their red uniforms. It reminded Lilly of the prisoners of war. You could just as well be in Siberia.

Lilly got a job at the front Desk. They would welcome the new prisoners as they arrive. Many of them were addicted to heroin. Often they had soiled themselves or vomiting on the trip and had to be directly under the shower. Anxious, she would say to her: "We need our medicine" - this means your methadone, the heroin substitute. She was crying and shaking as they waited for him.

Other passengers were clearly mentally ill. You pulled and twisted her hair so much That it looked as if it was in dreadlocks with bald spots. Another sucked on her pillow and said in a baby-language. Lilly could not believe That in the year 2018, these women were detained in a Prison , You should You could be somewhere to get help, she thought.

Very quickly That You have to be in a routine. You went from the Desk to a job as a wing cleaner. He kept her busy. She had forgotten what day it was, what month it was sometimes. The only date That mattered, was The Day they would be again removed from The Prison , and That was even years.

she has not once cried about her judgment. Before it began, Lilly had known That she would do it alone. There would be no visitors. Their children had been taken and she had limited contact with them since, the desperately sad.

But apart from That , You thrived. She was not to drink or to take drugs. She had been overweight When they arrived in The Prison , But now she was visiting The Gym Every Day and eat a diet of porridge, eggs and fish. You read self-help books and wrote lists of things You felt grateful for. She studied at the qualification and passed the tests. Put the felt your Life straight away.

Six months into her sentence, Lilly sat down and wrote a letter to The Judge , who had imprisoned her, and thanked him for what they called "The Gift of time". She continued: "my experience in Prison work for most, But it has worked for me. "

Lilly, it was clear That The System was trying to rehabilitate little, most of The Women she met. No one seemed to have a shower was requested, and many of the prisoners. There is a lot of focus was noticed on the course of study for maths and English qualifications, You are, But where someone was teaching these women How To Take Care of yourself? Drugs seemed to be more Common in the inner Prison , as one. On some wings, they would be Locked Up , for 19 hours per day.

your goal in an open Prison as soon as possible. Where You could walk and get a Cup of coffee, maybe even A Day -release job on the outside.

Then The Police searched the house of her previous ex - The One who worked as an enforcer for the Gangster, The Father of her son. Two Days after That , the officers took their children with them.

A Ministry of justice spokesman comments:

domestic abuse, prisons, long reads, prison reform, inspiring stories, women

Source of news: bbc.com